Socks and Shoes…
Me: “…your socks don’t match…”
Mom: “Of COURSE they don’t. I’m POOR! What do ya WANT? My SHOES don’t match either, ya WHORE!”
“Social Shittin’!”-My Sister
(Source: faggotz-r-us)
yup
Every time I try to find somebody just as fucked up as I am to settle down with, she tells me that I gotta get myself as perfect as I can for her to want to settle down with me, while she gets to stay fucked up.
…Almost, ALMOST can make me wanna yearn for them good old days back when my girlfriends loved me just for me, and then would somehow find themselves mauling me savagely in public because they forgot to take their daily dose of Lithium…
*sigh…Alone it is.
”
Clickin’ piece of butch crap! …STUPID FUCK!!!
Mom, about always accidentally hitting “financial” when trying to click the web browser.
“Dammit, Tony! You’re half black, and not even YOU can get a hook up for me so I can have me some free extra chicken at this mean-ass Popeyes. You’re fuckin’ USELESS!”-Mom
Her fake racism aside, that Popeyes is like the “Soup Nazi” from Seinfeld. Just like that guy had them afraid and subjugated for that good-ass soup, the people at our Popeyes has my mom afraid and subjugated for that nasty-ass chicken…
*shrug*
Hell yeah. Because Hooters also doesn’t tell all those hapless husbands that its 100% natural big tits are actually abnormally high-fat, high-sodium, dog food-grade, ammonia-treated, “pink slimed” poison tits that give the world cancer and obesity much easier than the good, old fashioned normal tits husbands are expecting just by ignorantly and harmfully staring at them, while Hooters and Ronald McOwl chuckle to themselves straight to the bank, using their disastrous, yet somehow legally protected lies to prey upon unsuspecting people for money, and then blame all that evil on the wives of those sick and dying husbands for not knowing about the poisonous tits whose dangerous effects Hooters tries its best to keep secret in the FIRST place, because if everybody knew the truth, Hooters would be gone tomorrow, and we can’t have THAT, now CAN we? …But YEP! Stupid-ass women, man. Boy I tells ya! Hehehehe…heeeew… (McDonalds not telling us that it’s killing us with Big Macs in more ways than fat just so it can turn a profit is the same as Hooters telling us that if we go there, “we’z gawn see us some SUBSTANTIAL titties” just so it can attract customers? Sure! And I guess a very convincing drag queen nursing an itchy STD who’s going home with a heavily drunken dude who doesn’t know just what the hell he’s in for is the same as a lady who says that if a man wants to get with her, he had better like dressing up as Rainbow Brite when the time is right. But HEY, if you say so. *shrug*)Lol omfg
(Source: jooorwhor3)
That needs to become the official motto.Sometimes being above average isn’t such a good thing. Wondering if you should get tested? The Check will help you figure out if your nether bits should be screened for chlamydia, gonorrhea, or HIV. Check it out.
via menshealthmag
My beloved Alabama once again finds itself muttering our unofficial state motto: Thank God for Mississippi.
Ain’t this the truth. One of the reasons I’m still a virgin is this right here. You don’t know how many times I’ve heard friends talk about how they “got burned” and have to run to the clinic “later”, like gonorrhea’s just a part of sex. Just a part of life in my good ol’ state of AL. Even had some friends try to hook me up with a girl that they KNEW was “hot” (and not in the good way), but finally one of them whispered to me and warned me at the very last second…HELL YEAH, I RAN! Jumped right into somebody else’s car and rode the fuck off to the mall!
…Besides, I can’t just be running willy-nilly to the clinic everytime I have a problem, like I’m running up to Taco Bell for a bite, like everybody else does, neither. Hospitals have a habit of not only refusing to help me, but making me WORSE than I was BEFORE I went there when they do “help” (and then not giving a fuck, too, but that’s another story)…I’m just gonna have to do the unpopular thing again, and pass. I already gave myself “gonorrhea” before, when I accidentally drank down too many red pepper flakes in my ramen noodles, and one of those flakes came out of the wrong hole…not worth it.
“You can call me a hermit, or you can think that I’m gay, but those STD’s just ain’t worth it. THANKS, ANYWAY!!!”-Tony
*GASP!* “HE’S GOT MY FUCKIN’ CALCULATOR! …YOU LITTLE BITCH!!!”-Mom, to her cat.
“Now WHY would God make THAT where we have something like THAT fucker livin’ on our BITCH???”-Mom. Hahahaha!Scanning electron microscope reveals the creature which lives on your eyelashes.
(via culturerevo)
…yeah. For me, it was my sweetheart “Chi Chi’s Mexican Restaurant”…
Their chimichangas were so fuckin’ good, I used to be fully aware that they would give me diarrhea each and every time, and STILL kept coming back for more…
I’m talking, I used to PLAN on their chimichangas fuckin’ me in my asshole, like it was all part of the experience, and it was SO worth it!
Even now, I’d take Chi Chi’s back in a second!
*shrug*
(Source: tormented-dreams, via blur3d)
